Gray Day

Today is a gray day, and I feel gray.  The sun is not out. But it is not raining.  I am not happy, but I am not sad.  I don’t feel strongly enough about anything that has happened in the course of this day to comment on it.  I feel like I am waiting for something, but there is nothing that I am waiting for.  I have no feelings or thoughts that are black or white that will rise to the surface.  All of them are gray today, and none have gone either way.

To navigate my gray day I have not done much.  I got gas, and bought deli-meat.  Both staples of living.  I sent an email and packed some boxes.  I made coffee and ate cheese.  I took a phone message and fed the pets.

For dinner I will have something from a box or a can, and a piece of fruit from the fridge.  With that I will drink water from the faucet, no ice.  I may finish watching a movie I started yesterday, or pay the bills, or tidy the house.

Yesterday I was full of feelings.  I was angry and passionate and sad and relieved.  I drove fast and yelled and screamed and cried.  I stomped around and listened to loud music.  I questioned things and took sides.  Things roared, and burned.

But today I tiptoed into the day with a life hangover from yeterday.  And softly padded through.  I sat and stood and checked the mail.  I quietly went through things alone.  And just tried to feel back to normal.